when I left…

“Something has spoken to me in the night…and told me that I shall die, I know not where. Saying: “[Death is] to lose the earth you know for greater knowing; to lose the life you have, for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth.”
~ Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again.

 

In Thomas Wolfe’s novel, You Can’t Go Home Again, protagonist George Webber writes a book that makes frequent revealing references to his hometown.  When the hometown folks read his book, they think it less than flattering.  Consequently, Webber finds that he can’t go home again.

Often, Wolfe’s novel is used in reference to that feeling you get upon your return, after leaving home in search of a more independent life.  Though not the author’s narrative intent, that distance does make home a more difficult fit.

Over the holidays, we went to visit family – not unlike much of the nation.  True enough, though we are readily welcomed and comfortable in our hometown, I don’t think we could move back.  There is a strange disconnect.  Most of which, I believe, is created through the strong relationships and intended purpose of our current home.

Nonetheless, being ‘home’ for a few days allowed me to more closely examine what I took with me when I left…the bits and pieces of the of the region, the culture, the color and texture.  I took them.  I cherish them.  I find them in my work.

In graduate school when discussions in seminar sessions revolved around potters and the influences in their work, I was often at a loss to find connections.  It was almost embarrassing…well, it would have been if I’d let anyone in on my floundering.  For the sake of clarity – it wasn’t as if I didn’t recognize the visual or process similarities between the artist of influence and the influential artist.  I simply wasn’t so moved by the work.

Instead of potters, I studied the monochromatic intricacies of Louise Nevelson’s sculptures; not unlike the complicated surfaces of the Milagros from home.  Preferring the calligraphic scribbles of painter Cy Twombly; akin to silhouetted yuccas blown into a sky colored by the setting sun.  Or, captivated by the authority of each line and smudge in Larry Rivers’ work; creating layers of texture and information so similar to the complexities of border culture.

It was a good visit home.